


Angel Angel, Down We Go Together

by EmberandShadow



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Post 3x14, Suicidal Thoughts, almost suicide, ed is broken, hallucination!Oswald, sassy!oswald
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 15:42:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10282364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmberandShadow/pseuds/EmberandShadow
Summary: Ed is broken after what he did to Oswald and he thinks it's time he paid for his crime.





	

Ed is standing on the edge of a precipice and it’s not the first time he’s been in a situation like this. He stares into the deep dark void and finds it oh so tempting to just step in, place one foot in front of another and let himself be swallowed whole by the darkness. 

 

He’d ended up at  ~~ Oswald's ~~ Penguins mansion. He isn’t sure how. His mind had been on anything but the dead man and his feet  _ definitely  _ hadn’t been going in that direction when he started walking only a couple hours earlier. But here he was, standing in the room that used to be the Penguins and staring into a void he hasn’t looked into for a very long while. 

 

“Are you going to do it already?” The voice is faded, almost gone, but Ed hears it, and it draws a gasp out of him. 

 

He turns his head, looks to the doorway and sees ~~Oswald~~ _Penguin._ He has to blink a couple times before he realizes what’s happening. 

 

“Do what?” He asks the hallucination, because he doesn’t have enough strength right now to fight it. 

 

“Kill yourself.” He says simply. 

 

“Why would I do that?” Ed doesn’t deny that the thought had crossed his mind more than once since the  _ incident.  _

 

“Because you know in your heart that you should. That you deserve it.” The hallucination makes a very valid point. 

 

Ed opens one of the old mob bosses drawers and finds a long slim knife in it. How very typical of Os- Penguin. He sits down on the bed, takes a deep breath, thinks about where the best place would be to do this. 

 

“I’d go straight for the neck.” The hallucination says over his shoulder. 

 

Ed listens, feels empty inside, feels helpless inside. He isn’t quite sure what’s happening but he knows that he wants to give in. He wants so badly to let himself fall into the void. 

 

But he doesn’t. He sets the knife down and leaves the mansion without saying a word to his hallucination.

 

***

 

It’s three weeks later and he’s standing in his own apartment with the faucet running. He meant to be doing the dishes, the uncleanliness of his apartment had started to get to him and he realized it had been forever since he washed anything. So he gathered all the dishes to the sink and turned on the water and now it just flows from the faucet continuously. 

 

He can’t seem to think straight anymore. His thoughts have been here and there, telling him this and that, ever since that night. Ever since he shot his best friend and left him to drown. His mind switches between telling him little things-  _ eat, sleep, shower-  _ and telling him things he would really rather not hear-  _ You’re a murderer, Ed. He trusted you- he  _ loved  _ you. Wholly and completely. And you shot him in the stomach as if he were nothing to you.  _

 

Ed pulls himself out of his thoughts enough to take the first dish and put it under the water. But his mind blanks again and he leaves his hand under too long and then it’s the pain that brings him out of his mind. He blinks several times, stares at his hand as the skin turns pink, and then turns off the water and sits down on his couch. 

 

“I really loved you.” His broken voice floats through to Ed tempting him to look up at the hallucination but he resists, doesn’t want to see his face anymore. He sees it enough in his dreams. 

 

“I know.” Ed mumbles, and then louder, “You broke my heart.” 

 

“You know I never intended to, right? You know that I was ignorant and acted selfishly and that I _know_ all those things, right?” His hallucination moves closer, sits next to him. 

 

“I didn’t love you.” Ed says more to himself than the figure beside him. Those are the words he’s been drilling into his mind for days now. 

 

“We both know that’s not quite true.” 

 

Empty words from a conversation entirely one sided. Ed knows he’s just torturing himself. He knows that he’s only having conversations with his own mind. But he doesn’t care. Not anymore. He just wants to take it all back, he wants to stop feeling guilty, 

 

He wants to jump into the void.

 

He takes the rope he’s had in his closet but doesn’t remember putting it there, and the ties it up to one of the beams that cross his ceiling. It almost feels good, almost feels _right_ as he places the rope around his neck like a piece of jewelry. But then he gets a flash of how very  _ wrong  _ this is and he steps down. Grabs the gun from his desk and heads out. 

 

***

 

Three hours later he’s finally standing in the same place he was when he betrayed his friend so thoroughly. He takes in several deep breathes to try and calm his beating heart. He can see Penguin in front of him, unsure if it’s memory or hallucination, but he stands there and he looks so broken and desperate and pleading and Ed can feel the tears in the back of his eyes starting to gather and he presses the gun to his head. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Ed says, “You were right, I never should have done this. You took the woman I loved from me and I took the man you loved from you. Therefore it’s my turn. I’m coming to join you.” 

 

He’s not really sure where the words came from. They don’t sound all too much like him but he feels them in his heart anyway. He closes his eyes, breathes in, and prepares to pull the trigger.

 

He hesitates, 

 

And then, 

 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” 

 

Is it? 

 

Could it be? 

 

Surely not. 

 

Ed turns around slowly, lowering his gun, unsure if this is just his mind playing trick on him again or not. 

 

“Oswald?” He asks the man standing behind him. It’s the first time he’s allowed himself to even  _ think  _ the name, let alone say it. 

 

“Surprised to see me?” Oswald asks. And then, seeing the peculiar look on Ed’s face, “Or have you been seeing me for a while now?” 

 

“Is it really you?” Ed isn’t sure how to react to this. 

 

Oswald nods, “Yes, Ed. It's really me.” 

 

And then Ed drops his gun, takes quick, short, steps forward to throw his arms around the bird. He drops to his knees, tears now flowing freely. His cheek is pressed into Oswald’s stomach, arms wrapped around his back. 

 

“Oh Ed. You’ve let yourself get so broken, and for what? Me? Why?” 

 

Ed rises on shaky knees and places two hands on Oswald’s face, looks him in the eye. 

 

“Because I love you. And losing you broke me.” 

  
“You will never lose me again. _I promise_.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I really need to stop listening to the Smiths and thinking about these two...


End file.
